Post by Tison (ƒαlcσn) on Apr 8, 2009 17:10:04 GMT -5
So I've had to do a poem project for school, and i was wondering if I could get some opinions. Some of them are really bad, but I didn't feel like doing any more than the minimum... so anyway. Just ignore the poetic element right below the title - I had to have that there for the project.
Actually, I'd like more feedback on the epic poem than anything else. It's my first epic poem, and I'm wondering how good it is. By the way, QUEST is the name of the competition, so I thought it a nice play on words.
At the end, there are a few Haikus that I have started to work on.
Enjoy!
Through the luscious treetops,
With a mighty screech, the hawk
Fell.
Its prey spotted, the mighty hawk dove,
The rush of wind
Tugging with a gentle flap
As the hawk glided softly, silently.
Rushing towards its timid prey, it
Fell.
Nearing the ground,
Silently sweeping though the sky,
He dives.
Reaching his quarry, he twists his talons,
Preparing for the moment when his prey will
Feel the sharp spears.
Talons against flesh, his quarry
Fell.
Perspective
Concrete Poem
Lurking silently, swiftly,
Through this forest of Night,
Prowls the mighty hunter.
The majestic, proud,
And the cunning,
Hunter of the Night
With a prowess none can match,
His blazing coat the color of the sun
Streaked with the shadows of the night,
His ivory claws sparkling
Maliciously in the moonlight,
He stalks unchallenged.
Anxiety gnawed at me
As I entered the room.
Chairs, lined up in neat rows
Glared silently as I gazed.
A neat row of nine chairs
Spelled out the task at hand
On the board behind them,
Our name for all to see
"Charleston County School of the Arts"
That was me.
Slipping behind the table,
I waited for my teammates.
Nick and Emily came forth,
Surveying the room as well.
When all teams had come,
We took our seats
The job once again made clear,
Lest we forget once again,
That we were on a quest,
The quest for victory.
Buzzers stared us down
As we waited for it to begin
The other teams silently came in
Not quite meeting anyone's eye.
“We’re early,” I heard a judge mutter
And suppressing a sigh,
I knew that we were going to be here
For quite a long time.
Keeping myself occupied,
I tried to swallow the unease.
As soon as I had done so,
Many people that I knew
Filed into the room,
Giving the team a smile.
Minutes crept by slowly,
Doing their best to drive us mad,
Until finally, the MC announced
“We might as well get started.”
As I glanced over at my teammates,
I saw that they were tense and ready.
Question by question flew by,
Points won and lost,
My hand never left the buzzer,
Nor did my mind wander.
At last I looked at the board,
Delighted to see
We were ahead, ahead,
By enough points to win.
Our quest won,
Victory was ours.
I stole a glance to my teammates,
Who were oblivious to the news,
So I said softly, between questions,
“We’re going to win.”
That moment was priceless,
One I shall never forget,
That look on their faces
As they slowly turned to the screen
And realized that yes,
Victory was ours.
Sparkling, glittering drops
Of water fall,
With an aura of purpose
They glide, feeling tall.
Sighing gently,
as they slowly reach their goal
Taking their time as they prance to earth,
Simply taking a relaxing stroll.
The wind howls
Through the skies,
Stalking through the grass,
And sinking its cold teeth
Into its prey.
On silent leather feet,
It whispers through the trees,
The forest its eternal guardian.
With the strength of a pack,
The wind rams into foes,
Its claws battering them to pieces.
The wind is a wolf,
Silent, invisible, but deadly.
The sound of water rushing,
Past you it goes gushing
What you hear is the call,
Of the great waterfall
Through the forest, the sounds of the night awaken.
The tweet-tweet of the crickets,
As the light of day slowly fades,
The husha-hush as the wind
Caresses the trees.
And the demanding rrrumble
Of the river.
The Warrior Within
Similes
Perhaps it can be said,
That every feline
Has a warrior within.
Your average housecat prowls
Like a panther in the night,
Roaring like a lion.
Alas, but when he has to
“Retreat gracefully”,
He is like a leopard.
The structure of a Haiku
Anything may fit
Haikus can be quite random
Refrigerator.
Tiger
WiP
Autumn
WiP
Actually, I'd like more feedback on the epic poem than anything else. It's my first epic poem, and I'm wondering how good it is. By the way, QUEST is the name of the competition, so I thought it a nice play on words.
At the end, there are a few Haikus that I have started to work on.
Enjoy!
Fell
Repetition
Repetition
Through the luscious treetops,
With a mighty screech, the hawk
Fell.
Its prey spotted, the mighty hawk dove,
The rush of wind
Tugging with a gentle flap
As the hawk glided softly, silently.
Rushing towards its timid prey, it
Fell.
Nearing the ground,
Silently sweeping though the sky,
He dives.
Reaching his quarry, he twists his talons,
Preparing for the moment when his prey will
Feel the sharp spears.
Talons against flesh, his quarry
Fell.
Perspective
Concrete Poem
AT
the top
of a mountain,
the world seems immense,
and one may fancy that all the
land they see is their own, on which
they may do whatever they please. But, pray tell,
is the world any different, no matter where you stand?
For surely it is only a simple but unavoidable matter of perspective.
the top
of a mountain,
the world seems immense,
and one may fancy that all the
land they see is their own, on which
they may do whatever they please. But, pray tell,
is the world any different, no matter where you stand?
For surely it is only a simple but unavoidable matter of perspective.
Hunter of the Night
Imagery
Imagery
Lurking silently, swiftly,
Through this forest of Night,
Prowls the mighty hunter.
The majestic, proud,
And the cunning,
Hunter of the Night
With a prowess none can match,
His blazing coat the color of the sun
Streaked with the shadows of the night,
His ivory claws sparkling
Maliciously in the moonlight,
He stalks unchallenged.
QUEST for Victory
Narrative (Epic) Poem
Narrative (Epic) Poem
Anxiety gnawed at me
As I entered the room.
Chairs, lined up in neat rows
Glared silently as I gazed.
A neat row of nine chairs
Spelled out the task at hand
On the board behind them,
Our name for all to see
"Charleston County School of the Arts"
That was me.
Slipping behind the table,
I waited for my teammates.
Nick and Emily came forth,
Surveying the room as well.
When all teams had come,
We took our seats
The job once again made clear,
Lest we forget once again,
That we were on a quest,
The quest for victory.
Buzzers stared us down
As we waited for it to begin
The other teams silently came in
Not quite meeting anyone's eye.
“We’re early,” I heard a judge mutter
And suppressing a sigh,
I knew that we were going to be here
For quite a long time.
Keeping myself occupied,
I tried to swallow the unease.
As soon as I had done so,
Many people that I knew
Filed into the room,
Giving the team a smile.
Minutes crept by slowly,
Doing their best to drive us mad,
Until finally, the MC announced
“We might as well get started.”
As I glanced over at my teammates,
I saw that they were tense and ready.
Question by question flew by,
Points won and lost,
My hand never left the buzzer,
Nor did my mind wander.
At last I looked at the board,
Delighted to see
We were ahead, ahead,
By enough points to win.
Our quest won,
Victory was ours.
I stole a glance to my teammates,
Who were oblivious to the news,
So I said softly, between questions,
“We’re going to win.”
That moment was priceless,
One I shall never forget,
That look on their faces
As they slowly turned to the screen
And realized that yes,
Victory was ours.
Rain
Personification
Personification
Sparkling, glittering drops
Of water fall,
With an aura of purpose
They glide, feeling tall.
Sighing gently,
as they slowly reach their goal
Taking their time as they prance to earth,
Simply taking a relaxing stroll.
Wind
Extended Metaphor
Extended Metaphor
The wind howls
Through the skies,
Stalking through the grass,
And sinking its cold teeth
Into its prey.
On silent leather feet,
It whispers through the trees,
The forest its eternal guardian.
With the strength of a pack,
The wind rams into foes,
Its claws battering them to pieces.
The wind is a wolf,
Silent, invisible, but deadly.
Waterfall
Rhyme and Rhythm
Rhyme and Rhythm
The sound of water rushing,
Past you it goes gushing
What you hear is the call,
Of the great waterfall
Forest Sounds
Onomatopoeia
Onomatopoeia
Through the forest, the sounds of the night awaken.
The tweet-tweet of the crickets,
As the light of day slowly fades,
The husha-hush as the wind
Caresses the trees.
And the demanding rrrumble
Of the river.
The Warrior Within
Similes
Perhaps it can be said,
That every feline
Has a warrior within.
Your average housecat prowls
Like a panther in the night,
Roaring like a lion.
Alas, but when he has to
“Retreat gracefully”,
He is like a leopard.
The structure of a Haiku
Anything may fit
Haikus can be quite random
Refrigerator.
Tiger
WiP
Autumn
WiP
